“Jack and the Beanstalk”
or teh green shoots of recovery
Monday 20th December
2010, 2pm GMT
jonhickman Support #Twitpanto 2010, add a #twibbon now! - http://twb.ly/dZyta6 - Create one here - http://twb.ly/f02AU3 13:00:43
graphiquillan Twitpanto starts in just under an hour (2pm GMT). Now's a good time to stock up on the noisiest snacks you can find #twitpanto 13:04:22
jonhickman http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AO379gLDebY#t=4m15s "hey I've been turned into a cow..." #twitpanto 13:07:10 jonhickman My #twitpanto avatar was taken in front of my favourite sledging location. It is a Guernsey cow. They are the best cows. Here end the facts 13:10:07
cataspanglish @graphiquillan if that journalist isn't careful, I'll "extradite" them to Never, Never Land #stikibeaks #twitpanto 13:11:21 graphiquillan @joannageary *draws over self with highlighter pen* I, too, have highlighted my bits :) #twitpanto 13:13:09
getgood Getting rather excited now.... RT @graphiquillan Catch #twitpanto as it happens at http://bit.ly/h3OzEK 13:16:39
twitpanto Just over 1/2 an hour to Twitter's biggest threat to UKPLC… #twitpanto Saddle up here: http://beanstalk.twitpanto.co.uk/ 13:22:12
swearynews Costume? I'm getting into character. You've got to take the craft seriously... #twitpanto 13:23:47 cataspanglish just had a couple of bowls of broth and some of that @media140 cava - forgot to grind bones to make bread though #twitpanto #fail 13:23:54 cataspanglish RT @twitpanto: Just over 1/2 an hour to Twitter's biggest threat to UKPLC… #twitpanto Saddle up here: http://beanstalk.twitpanto.co.uk/ 13:24:33 graphiquillan RT @catnip: Looking forward to #twitpanto live at 2pm. Watch it at http://beanstalk.twitpanto.co.uk/ and use #twitpanto to be in the aud ... 13:26:41
benjiw Just having a quick polish of my pumpkins on my farm on farmville before #twitpanto starts. 13:26:54 cataspanglish just noticed I don't come in till scene 2 act 2 - think I'll have a bit of a siesta *yawns* #twitpanto 13:27:53 graphiquillan *swings round* *floors several people with wings* Sorry about that #twitpanto 13:29:01
graphiquillan In the Green Room, pwning the drinks cabinet. Apparently, I have a choice of Wild Turkey or Um Bongo #twitpanto 13:39:46 graphiquillan I wonder what's in this cupboard..... *aaaarghhhhh* *slams door shut* That's terrifying. There are 4 Anthea Turners in there. #twitpanto 13:41:01
philipjohn Support #Twitpanto 2010, add a #twibbon now! - http://twb.ly/dZyta6 - Create one here - http://twb.ly/f02AU3 13:41:02 jonhickman @philipjohn I can't see you at all - just sort of reach out and pull me on to you #twitpanto 13:42:16 cataspanglish Has anyone seen my um bongo? bones will be ground if anyone's drunk it #twitpanto 13:42:53 graphiquillan Far too much polyester in these costumes. Get too close and we're in serious danger of becoming a set of performing Tesla Coils #twitpanto 13:43:04 getgood In the dressing room. Who's had my wild turkey and Um Bongo? I can't have anything else on account of my allergies. #twitpanto 13:45:16 graphiquillan *commando crawls into front of house and into aisle 3* *deftly obtains punter's Revels* *munchmunch* *blurk it's a coffee one* :/ #twitpanto 13:45:30 benjiw *to self* You've played Hamlet, Richard III, Dr Prentice, Mr Sloane. You were born to play this role. #twitpanto 13:45:52 graphiquillan I've just accidentally squashed someone called Michael. Sorry about that :/ #mickysqueaks #twitpanto 13:46:52 getgood @ChrisUnitt I couldn't decipher it when you were boshing me over the head. #twitpanto 13:47:08 graphiquillan Quick! Look! A naked person has just run in front of the stage :O #quickystreaks #twitpanto 13:47:51
philipjohn I am now definitely the back end of a cow... thanks to http://bit.ly/hcwrmX but Twibbon won't let me get the #twitpanto on! 13:48:14 cataspanglish I've got a couple of bottles of @media140 cava at a good price if anyone in the audience is interested #twitpanto 13:48:25 jonhickman @ChrisUnitt is that one of the truncheons that gets bigger, or is it a one size fits all job? #twitpanto 13:48:50
probablydrunk I WANT A GLASS TOPPED COFFEE TABLE, A LENGTH OF RUBBER HOSE AND THE CAST OF 'ANNIE' IN MY DRESSING ROOM NOW #twitpanto 13:49:05
cybrum Support #Twitpanto 2010, add a #twibbon now! - http://twb.ly/dZyta6 - Create one here - http://twb.ly/f02AU3 13:49:26
dracos If you aren't seeing any other panto this year (or even if you are), come and watch ours now at http://beanstalk.twitpanto.co.uk/ #twitpanto 13:49:40 jonhickman *checks script to make sure there isn't any reference to @chrisunitt's truncheon as well* #twitpanto 13:51:04 swearynews [wets self] Bloody hell, there's a ghost in this 'ere theatre. Where's my proton pack. #twitpanto 13:52:04 cataspanglish 10 minutes till curtain up if we are running on English punctuality - who knows how long if we're on Spanish time concepts #twitpanto 13:52:13 twitpanto Attention! This is a ten minute call to all #twitpanto cast and audience. We have 10mins before the start of the performance. 13:52:19 cataspanglish RT @twitpanto: Attention! This is a ten minute call to all #twitpanto cast and audience. We have 10mins before the start of the performance. 13:52:34 benjiw RT @twitpanto: Attention! This is a ten minute call to all #twitpanto cast and audience. We have 10mins before the start of the performance. 13:52:51 cataspanglish RT @twitpanto: Please take your #twitpanto seats at http://beanstalk.twitpanto.co.uk/ 13:52:58 probablydrunk RT @twitpanto: Please take your #twitpanto seats at http://beanstalk.twitpanto.co.uk/ 13:53:10
philipjohn RT @twitpanto: Attention! This is a ten minute call to all #twitpanto cast and audience. We have 10mins before the start of the performance. 13:53:23
mazzawoo Phew, just time to struggle into my #twitpanto cozzie - I think I may have put weight on :'( (thanks @alexhughes x) 13:53:56
mandyrose1 RT @cataspanglish RT @twitpanto: Please take your #twitpanto seats at http://beanstalk.twitpanto.co.uk/ 13:54:10 swearynews That's right, shove and punch to get the last box of sweets from the little window before the shutter comes down #twitpanto 13:54:11 philipjohn RT @twitpanto: Please take your #twitpanto seats at http://beanstalk.twitpanto.co.uk/ 13:55:00 cybrum Getting my placard ready (and slipping a couple of snooker balls in my pocket) for the protest #pantouncut #twitpanto 13:55:08 twitpanto Attention! This is a FIVE MINUTE call to #twitpanto cast and audience. FIVE MINUTES before curtain up. (Dead exciting innit!) 13:55:33
ChrisUnitt RT @twitpanto: Please take your #twitpanto seats at http://beanstalk.twitpanto.co.uk/ 13:55:33 cataspanglish RT @twitpanto: Attention! This is a FIVE MINUTE call to #twitpanto cast and audience. FIVE MINUTES before curtain up. (Dead exciting innit!) 13:55:53 cybrum RT @twitpanto: Please take your #twitpanto seats at http://beanstalk.twitpanto.co.uk/ 13:56:07 ChrisUnitt @James_Rock There'll be no food, no drink and no moving anywhere until I say so #twitpanto 13:58:04 swearynews [peeks through curtains] What a beautiful and attractive looking audience we have today. #twitpanto 13:58:44 twitpanto Scene One: Welcome to austerity Pantoland, a cold hard place where even hard working single parents are struggling to survive. #twitpanto 14:00:09 benjiw Nadine: Oh woe is me, oh woe is me. We haven't a penny to rub together. What ever shall we do? #twitpanto 14:00:39 probablydrunk Jack: Don't worry mum, nothing is ever as bad as you think. We've got savings. #twitpanto 14:01:12 benjiw Nadine: Had savings, Jack. Some I've spent on booze, fags and Yahoo! shares. The rest I've squandered. #twitpanto 14:01:40 benjiw Nadine: And now we're no longer to get any TMA (tights maintenance allowance) for you… you're going to have to get a job my lad. #twitpanto 14:01:51 probablydrunk Jack: There's no work out there mum, even Snow White is laying men off. #twitpanto 14:02:20 probablydrunk Jack: Dandini's on the dole, Buttons has taken voluntary redundancy, even Puss is now only wearing knock-off Uggs. #twitpanto 14:02:25 probablydrunk Jack: Old King Cole is now being waited on by two volunteer kazooists. #twitpanto 14:03:11 benjiw Nadine: Well then, there's nothing for it. We're going to have to sell Daisy. #twitpanto 14:03:25 probablydrunk Jack: Come on Daisy, you'll like it at the market — there's lots of man cows there to meet. #twitpanto 14:04:32 getgood Jeremy: You can't come in. We're staging a sit in. Shutting the market #mademesmile. #pantouncut #twitpanto 14:06:52 dracos Jocasta: The market is owned by Sir Philip The Green, he owes six billion groats in back taxes and we're protesting. #pantouncut #twitpanto 14:07:18 probablydrunk Jack: Oh let me in, I've got to sell this cow or my mother and me will starve. #twitpanto 14:10:53
TomAttwood @tom_watson The Butcher: I have no money, but I will trade you this sack of magic beans for the beast. #twitpanto 14:12:22 cybrum @jonhickman Run out of milk for my coffee here, can I squeeze your udders #twitpanto 14:15:44 probablydrunk Jack: Magic beans? You must think I have all the economic nous of an old Etonian. #twitpanto 14:16:24 twitpanto The butcher took Daisy off to investigate the King's wine cellar, and Jack trudged home alone. #twitpanto 14:16:36 graphiquillan Assangelina: Those beans are magic, you must plant them. You will find great riches. And also Dick Whittington wears a wig. #twitpanto 14:18:02 graphiquillan Assangelina: Oh and by the way… have you ever thought of becoming a Scientologist? Or a Mormon? #twitpanto 14:18:13 benjiw Nadine: Stupid boy! I sent you to sell our last cow and you bring me beans? #twitpanto 14:19:07 benjiw Nadine: I sent you out for Lemsip and you bought a suppository. For all the good it did I may as well have stuck it up my arse. #twitpanto 14:19:21 probablydrunk @probablydrunk Jack: Magic beans mum, it's not like I've swapped Daisy for a can of Heinz. #twitpanto 14:19:38 benjiw Nadine: At least we could eat them, I may as well sling these out of the bloody window. #twitpanto 14:20:10 twitpanto Scene One: While Jack and his mum sleep hungry, the magic beans grew. By the next morning the beanstalk reached the clouds. #twitpanto 14:20:31 probablydrunk @probablydrunk Jack: Mum, mum look—the beans have grown like off of the Internet. http://fybeanstalks.tumblr.com/ #twitpanto 14:21:11 benjiw Nadine: So we've got a big shaft in the back garden—what good's it going to do us?. #twitpanto 14:21:43 probablydrunk Jack: About as much as you changing your Facebook picture to the witch out of Terrahawks will do to stop peados. #twitpanto 14:22:31 twitpanto So Jack got out his crampons and mounted the shaft. He climbed and climbed until he reached the clouds. #twitpanto 14:23:44 probablydrunk Jack: My God, that's high. Where am I? Good Fairy what are you doing here? #twitpanto 14:24:16 graphiquillan Assangelina: This is the land of the Giant, you must defeat him to fulfil your destiny.... #twitpanto 14:24:26 graphiquillan Assangelina: ... And also Mother Goose knocks 10 years off her 'panto age' #twitpanto 14:24:35 graphiquillan Assangelina: Look over yonder, see his castle. Great riches lie within. And also The Old Woman in the shoe eats odor eaters. #twitpanto 14:24:49 twitpanto Scene Two: Jack sneaks through a crack in the door and into the castle. #twitpanto 14:25:06 cataspanglish The Giant: (on phone) I don't care if taxes are up. Robin Hood's got a week to get his shit together or he gets blown sky high. #twitpanto 14:25:20 swearynews The Chicken: Get me to a vet, Gideon. This isn't bleeding natural. It is however, bleeding. #twitpanto 14:25:54 cataspanglish The Giant: Yawwwn. All this Gianting is making me tired, a nap before more volunteer loan sharking I think. #twitpanto 14:26:49 probablydrunk @probablydrunk Jack: @swearynews You're coming with me. You've laid enough eggs for this Giant. #twitpanto 14:27:58 probablydrunk Jack: A magic harp, golden eggs, just like the fairy said. Enough to buy back the cow and be rich! #twitpanto 14:28:16 twitpanto With his hands full of chicken and harp, Jack ran back down to safety. #twitpanto 14:28:38 twitpanto Scene Three: Two inarticulate teenagers are wondering through our social space. #twitpanto 14:28:57
Daneed4 Romeo: @karmadillo Juliet, U haz my art enit, even those U wer once a fella! *poke*. #twitpanto 14:29:06 Daneed4 Romeo: @karmadillo Juliet, back atcha, but dat aint now beanstalk!*blink* I heart u Juliet! #twitpanto 14:30:11 probablydrunk Jack: You two don't half go on. Get out of the way. Anyone would think you'd been paid to be here. #twitpant 14:31:00 probablydrunk Jack: There is a castle up there, and in there lives a Giant who expects other people to do his work for him. I stole these. #twitpanto 14:31:57 benjiw Nadine: A chicken, well it'll do for tea I suppose. And the harp might fetch a few groats. #twitpanto 14:32:36 probablydrunk Jack: These are magic mum, the chicken lays golden eggs and the harp plays Unlimited music, plus a few adverts. #twitpanto 14:33:01 benjiw Nadine: Those were your father’s! They were taken off us in inheritance tax when he died. Justice is served! #twitpanto 14:33:51 probablydrunk Jack: We're rich! Beyond our wildest dreams, I may even have a crack with the Princess. #twitpanto 14:34:22 twitpanto OK, now it's ACT III (See! I knew I could remember if I put my mind to it!) #twitpanto 14:36:27 twitpanto Scene One: Later that night Gideon the Giant was awoken by a terrible howling. Albeit with a phat bass line. #twitpanto 14:36:40
gavinwray Bob Marley's Ghost: T'night ya will be visited ba tree spirits. Dey will show you de error a I and I ways. #twitpanto 14:37:12 cataspanglish The Giant: The error of my ways? I was living here quietly on a cloud and I keep getting robbed. My cook has left, I'm starving. #twitpanto 14:37:23 gavinwray Bob Marley's Ghost: I and I are de ghost of your former business partner. #twitpanto 14:37:47 cataspanglish The Giant:I've never had a business partner, Gianting is strictly a Sole Trader industry. #twitpanto 14:37:56 gavinwray Bob Marley's Ghost: I and I aven't been well since dat Danny Baker trod on me foot. #twitpanto 14:38:26 benjiw Nadine: Oh I'm so happy Jack, we've enough money to live on, and if that bloody harp would just shut up life would be perfect. #twitpanto 14:40:11 ChrisUnitt Sgt Wagner: Yes ma'am, 200 students contained in the Castle courtyard. #twitpanto 14:40:40 ChrisUnitt Sgt Wagner: They're cold and wet, it's so funny I've nearly pissed myself. #twitpanto 14:40:58 probablydrunk Jack: Mum, I can't rest. I've struck out with the Princess, despite the money she won't marry me. #twitpanto 14:41:21 benjiw Nadine: Ohh I love a Royal Wedding. And I could do with some new crockery. #twitpanto 14:41:39 graphiquillan Assangelina: You must slay the giant. That way you'll get the respect of the Princess, and btw Abanazer is gay. #twitpanto 14:42:10 twitpanto So to slay the Giant, and by extension lay the girl. Jack climbs up the beanstalk one last time. #twitpanto 14:42:23 probablydrunk I just ousted Gideon G. as the mayor of The Giant's Castle on @foursquare! http://foursquare.com/venue/14365301 #twitpanto 14:42:44 twitpanto Jack runs from the Castle, and climbs down the beanstalk with the Giant in hot pursuit #twitpanto 14:43:22 cataspanglish The Giant: Fee Fi Fo Fum, I smell the lack of good roles for giants, and it hurts. #twitpanto 14:43:36 probablydrunk @probablydrunk Jack: Christ won't this axe chop quicker, the Giant is gaining. #twitpanto 14:45:16 mazzawoo The Harp: Let’s take a little tour of the features that make Harpify such a pleasure to use . . . #twitpanto 14:45:50 twitpanto The Pantoland Daily is out! http://upthear.se/1qm ▸ Top stories today by @oldmotherhubbard @pussinboots @aladdin #twitpanto 14:47:01 twitpanto Finally the beanstalk fell and the giant plummeted to his death. Which shows the danger of keeping your assets in the cloud. #twitpanto 14:47:15 twitpanto This ending has been blocked by @edvaizey as it may contain adult scenes. Get your hands out of your pants, filthy peasants. #twitpanto 14:48:31 swearynews The Chicken: [Bows] I'm now available in the Lobby as Bernard Matthews memorial golden chicken twislers. #twitpanto 14:49:27 gavinwray Bob Marley's Ghost: Tank you, tank you. Now where the after shoo party at? Am tirsty. #twitpanto 14:51:20 ChrisUnitt Sgt Wagner: *applauds @bounder and takes Assangelina away for a quiet chat* #twitpanto 14:51:28
bounder #twitpanto Come along everyone I've got a #horseoutside http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljPFZrRD3J8 14:51:39
karmadillo *snort* You should SEE @jonhickman & @philipjohn backstage WITHOUT the costume!! :O #twitpanto 14:51:41 philipjohn *blush* RT @karmadillo: *snort* You should SEE @jonhickman & @philipjohn backstage WITHOUT the costume!! :O #twitpanto 14:52:03 twitpanto RT @bounder #twitpanto Come along everyone I've got a #horseoutside http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljPFZrRD3J8 14:52:08 swearynews Thank you @bounder So, now where are the drugs for the after-party? Or an Epidural [squark] #twitpanto 14:52:42 swearynews Not just a cracking script, but @bounder makes a beautiful princess... #twitpanto 14:53:47 benjiw RT @dracos: *bow* Up on Theatricalia at http://theatricalia.com/d/nds :-) #twitpanto 14:53:47 cybrum RT @peteashton: Congrats to @bounder on another great #twitpanto. I had my doubts but it was marvelous. Relive it at http://beanstalk.tw ... 14:55:57 twitpanto You will be able to relive the whole damn thing here at http://beanstalk.twitpanto.co.uk/ presently #twitpanto 14:56:14 cataspanglish RT @twitpanto: You will be able to relive the whole damn thing here at http://beanstalk.twitpanto.co.uk/ presently #twitpanto 14:56:31
gavinwray RT @twitpanto: You will be able to relive the whole damn thing here at http://beanstalk.twitpanto.co.uk/ presently #twitpanto 14:56:44 karmadillo hahahaha!! RT: @garethhector #twitpanto @Bounder Were you the dog in Neighbours? Oh, Bouncer... # 14:56:52 karmadillo RT @twitpanto You will be able to relive the whole damn thing here at http://beanstalk.twitpanto.co.uk/ presently #twitpanto 14:57:22 graphiquillan RT @twitpanto: You will be able to relive the whole damn thing here at http://beanstalk.twitpanto.co.uk/ presently #twitpanto 14:57:33 cataspanglish oooh I like this giant look - mind if I hold onto the costume @twitpanto_dir ? #twitpanto 14:58:15 twitpanto #twitpanto Be careful out there, and check your Christmas Cheer at http://christmasometer.co.uk/ 14:58:46 cataspanglish RT @philipjohn: RT @getgood: Bravo to @bounder for awesome script *claps* #twitpanto 14:58:50 cataspanglish RT @twitpanto: #twitpanto Be careful out there, and check your Christmas Cheer at http://christmasometer.co.uk/ 14:59:17 benjiw RT @twitpanto: You will be able to relive the whole damn thing here at http://beanstalk.twitpanto.co.uk/ presently #twitpanto 15:00:39 dracos That went very well! Twitter's streaming API was flawless. Thanks to organising @bounder, narrating @joannageary, and all cast #twitpanto 15:04:01 cataspanglish RT @pigsonthewing: #twitpanto 2010 event now on Wikipedia, in http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jon_Bounds 15:10:47 getgood @dracos Thanks for setting a lovely stage and well done @joannageary on grand narration. #twitpanto 15:17:05 mazzawoo Cool! :D RT @pigsonthewing #twitpanto 2010 event now on Wikipedia, in http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jon_Bounds 15:18:38 bounder @cataspanglish "picaresca " huh? will follow and practice my appalling Spanish #twitpanto #twitpicaresca 15:25:17 bounder This year's #twitpanto wordle shoe http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2909004/Twitpanto_2010 15:42:44
blinged up my nails for Xmas! Now to put on my posh frock for 
